The Crier
“The Voice of the CCC Student Body”
December
Issue 4
Fall 2002
Sex in the Crystal City
This month’s sex column written for you the readers, to ponder. Short and straight forward answers.
Male Perspective: A reader wrote in with a comment that the last column was biased towards women. They posed this question: “Would a man even consider having sex without an orgasm?” My answer is YES. Unless I am weird (which is entirely possible... even likely), there are certain circumstances when a guy will not have an orgasm. I Whiskey d*#! -Yes, all men know it. 2) Multiple sexual encounters in one evening. 3) Under the influence of chemical alterations. 4) Distractions: TV stress children. Am I forgetting any?
Question for the readers:
How many of your parents require you to introduce them to someone you are dating before or shortly after you start going out?
Female Perspective: Sometimes women give in and have sexual intercourse even if they’re not in the mood. This would definitely cause them not to climax every time. Also, if they are under the influence of chemicals or alcohol they might not even know they are having sexual intercourse!!! Question for the readers:
Why are men obsessed with two women at once? Why is a menage  so interesting? What is it about an abundance of estrogen that makes all of your pants to drop and your penis’ to rise?
Please either e-mail submissions to TheCrier@hotmail.com or drop them off either in the drop box or the office in the commons building.
‘In ‘Memoriam
The administration, faculty, staff, and students are deeply saddened by the tragic death of student Amber Tupper as a result of a multiple car accident on Spencer Hill December 4, 2002. Amber had recently defined her life goals and was doing excellent work with her current course work. All of us who knew her will miss her very much. We all extend our sympathies to Amber's family and friends.
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The staff of The Crier would like to extend our deepest gratitude to out leader, mentor, and Editor-in-Chief,
Catie Ingraham.
Catie’s dedication, initiative, and hard work have been the cornerstone of The Crier for more than two years.
We wish Catie the best of luck at Geneseo State.
Thank you, Catie!
Free Winona
By: Bobby Gradenko
I just have to tell you all just how much I hate deadlines! The pressure is equal to that put on Joan Rivers’ facial stitches. This old broad has been tucked in more often than the entire collective toddler faction combined. But, I digress—back to deadlines. I’ve been so busy—too busy to write a humor column, that’s for sure. Quite honestly I’ve been busier than Osama Bin Laden’s travel agent. I was going to write about self-pleasure, but I decided to get off the topic. I was going to write about my adult cinema star girlfriend, but my therapist insists thatI am too obsessed with her. My therapist thinks that I’m about as stable as that government loan guy with all of the question marks on his jacket, after he drinks a triple espresso. My therapist is a putz. But she’s great in bed, so I’ll keep paying her $96 an hour. And then out of nowhere—like Sponge Bob Square Pants questionable relationship with Patrick—I heard the news that changed by life forever.
I read the devastating headline on November 6th with tears in my eyes. There it was in black and white: HARRY POTTER CHARGED WITH RUNNING DRUG RING AT HOG WARTS ACADEMY. No, I’m not talking about that headline—the one below it. WINONA RYDER FOUND GUILTY. The fear and doubt coursed through my head like slander through Eminem. The target of my most intimate fantasies and dreams was guilty of a felonious act. But God, she looked
(Continued on the next page.)
great on TV. She not only stole thousands of dollars of merchandise from Saks Fifth Avenue, but she had snuck into my life and as witnessed on the grainy surveillance videotape, stole my heart.
I met Winona Ryder once back in 2000 when she was filming Mr. Deeds with Adam Sandler. I was opening for Sandler that weekend at Dangerfield’s in NYC and he introduced me to her. When I met her, my heart was pulsing at a rapid pace. Had I been hooked up to a heart monitor, it would have had more bleeps than an episode of The Osbourne’s. I was smitten from the very second that she took my watch out of my pocket when I wasn’t looking. I later told her, a la Renee Zellweger, “You had me at petit larceny.” I should have known right then and there that this pretty little Hollywood chick had done more lifting than the Bulgarian bench press team. But I was too infatuated with her and her amazing beauty. I know that her film career has been about as steady as a Coming Incorporated 401 -K plan. Sure she has produced more bombs than the Iraqi government. And yes, I have to plug my nose while I watch her films so they cannot attack my olfactory senses. None of that matters to me as long as I can still maintain my fantasies about her becoming Mrs. Robert Stanley Gradenko.
I then was faced with dealing with the realization that Winona Ryder was a criminal. And what if she went to jail? I’ve been to the big house, folks; it’s about as rehabilitating as using Oxi Clean on makeup stains after a weekend bender with Bozo The Clown. Prison chicks are very tough, and let’s just say that they don’t have much of a physical need for the boys. If Winona went to jail, her dance card would be filled faster than you can say ‘flannel jumpsuit with matching handcuffs.’ But, according to El’s Steve Kemetko—so it has to be true—I guess she’s not going to jail. She will have to do community service and pay fines and all of that typical aggressive Hollywood restitution bologna.
So I am on a campaign to “FREE WINONA!” Free Winona? It
should be more like “$5,500 WINONA!” She makes that much money while plucking her eyebrows in the morning. However, I still think that we should pool our vast college student monetary resources and pay her fines. She has certainly given us that much in pleasure over the years with classics like Heathers. Beetlejuice. and Great Balls of Fire! Oh sure, the sequel to one of her recent hit films is likely to be titled Girl. Incarcerated. But I think we owe it to her to defray the costs of this public miscarriage of justice. I am, however, very glad that she didn’t steal a computer and then go to jail for it. If that happened, couldn’t you just hear that punk from the commercial say to her “Dude, you’re gettin’ a cell!”
If Winona has to repay all of this herself she will no doubt be doing anything to make a buck. Hell, she’ll probably end up working the popcorn table in the Commons entrance just to get this thing paid off. She may end up having to be the maid for Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Who saw another marriage for J-Lo coming, anyway? This girl has more dates than a Christmas fruitcake.I guess I should climb on the bandwagon and call her J-Lo. I struggle to keep up with the silly rap names that change more often than alibis at Bobby Blake’s legal camp. Maybe Winona needs a rap name so she can keep up the badass image that she has going. She could be “Wi-Ry” (pronounced “WI-RY!). That has a great ring to it. I can see her on MTV Cribs as Wi-Ry, talking to her peeps about her phat crib. For the uninitiated—Peeps: the pastel-hued, bunny-shaped, sugary confections that you consume at Easter time. Yo, what up G? Word to your mother!
So when you are walking around campus, look for the 55-gallon barrels labeled “FREE WINONA,” and drop a few dollars in them so we can get Winona out of her lawyer’s office and back on the movie set where she belongs. Because if she misses a chance to make a sequel to Autumn in New York. I am gong to be very angry. That movie elicits tears the way a Johnny Knoxville stunt elicits vomiting. Winona is far too pretty to be doing
anything except making movies and looking like a million bucks—okay, at least five thousand five hundred bucks. Forgo the 85 cents that you would lose in the broken vending machines spread throughout the campus like ugly on Steve Buscemi and help Winona. The college could easily give ten dollars from each text book sale to the FREE WINONA fund. That would make me happier than Dennis Miller would be if he were caught in a thesaurus explosion. I work with Denny in March in Vegas, and I am sure he’ll have some obscure, arcane references about all of my aforementioned topics. He better not talk about Winona Ryder or I’ll beat those obscure, arcane references right out of him! But let’s not focus on that right now. So in the spirit of solidarity: If you focus on anything over the next few weeks, let it not be final exams, but two important words: FREE WINONA!
Snow Day Procedures
In case of inclement weather deemed sufficiently dangerous to interrupt college operations, radio and television announcers will make one of the following announcements:
1.) “The College is closed.” This means that the entire institution is closed, and no one is expected to travel to campus.
2.) Depending on circumstances, there may be other messages such as: “ All 8:00 and 9:00 classes are cancelled. Classes will begin at 10:00.” Similar messages will be called in regarding Saturday and evening class cancellations. Any day or evening class scheduled in a public school building will be cancelled if that school district closes its schools.
College cancellations are always posted online at the college web page at http://www.coming-cc.edu/can-cellations/.
Have you ever heard a DJ on the radio and thought, “Man, I could do better than that!”? WCEB. the college radio station, wants to give you that chance. There are openings for DJs RIGHT
NOW! Stop by downstairs in the
Commons room 128 and see the station manager for details.
Listen at 91.9 FM.
Meet the Crier Staff in a New Light
Catie Ingraham
Partially, semi-(un)attached white female seeks man for companionship, coffee sharing, and Tetris tournaments. Must love kids. Children not a must, but definitely a plus. Will be in the Geneseo area starting next spring.
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Bobby Gradenko
Polygamous comedy icon seeks seventh wife. Applicants must enjoy muscular men, the color pink, and interior decorating. Icon enjoys none of these things (especially the color pink), but likes watching all of them. Willingness to travel a must.
Chris Wilson Business Manager
Single white male seeks single female for friendship or otherwise. Devil Worshippers and devout Roman Catholics need not apply (after all, they’re one in the same). Brown hair and blue eyes a plus. Theatre fan, and ability to speak English a must.
Matt Clark
Tall, energetic, athletic poet who carries a Simpson's lunch box. Works in the senate to bring the view of the student body to light. Seeks the
same. Cosmo reader a plus.
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Josh Lahnum
Single white male seeks chick with cool t-shirts and lace panties. Self-professed movie junkie a must.
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Joel Davis
Coffee drinker seeks same. Must be willing to listen to drivelladen rants about Nietzsche and Shakespeare. Those seeking commitment and long walks need not apply. Schizophrenia a plus.
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Tounja Gee
Energetic married woman seeks friendship, male or female. Straight men need not apply. Must have love of classic automobiles, theatre, and free DJs.
Allan Favire Photographer
(Kind of ironic that we don't have a picture of the photographer, isn’t it?)
Single male with goatee seeks attractive, fun female without goatee. Coffee lovers a plus. Singers a plus — unless you have a horrible voice.
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Jessi Davies
Single white female, seeks man with personality and charm. College student looking to transfer to UCLA. Focus on sign language. Desires sexy and wild time.
Just Your Garden Variety Student
By: Joel Davis
You’ve heard the label used all over our Coming Community College campus. As a matter of fact, it is used at almost all colleges and universities, regardless of their size. The label may be the academic equivalent to old age. The label is the often used and misunderstood: “Non-Traditional Student.” I use that particular label all of the time. I am a non-traditional student.
It’s not a bad label. It’s certainly not a derogatory label. Quite the contrary, it is a label that is traditionally used to identify a student who falls outside of the conventional college student description—based on the age of the student. It is a college’s way of identifying a student who has particular needs that may or may not be different than those of the “traditional” 17-22 year old student. So, when does the label start? When do you cross that imaginary line into the irreversible zone of age labeling? No one really knows, I guess. And as I discovered, no one really cares.
Before you get upset with the label, please acknowledge that we live in world of labels. We have all been labeled all of our lives. Labeling has been around since the dawn of time. We are black or white, short or tall, gay or straight, thin or plump; the list goes on and on. And other than the specific needs of a group, we really shouldn’t look at that group as different. We shouldn’t see the colors and sizes and shapes; we should see another student who had a desire to learn and who has embraced that passion. Going to college at any age is a very difficult thing to do. One could argue that an 18-year old has an advantage because he or she just finished high school, is in the groove to learn, and has recently learned similar subjects. Conversely, one could argue that an older student possesses life experience that helps them with their comprehension of a subject.
Cornell University has a “Mature Students Association” (MSA) on campus. The association is for non-tra-
ditional students—older students. I had the opportunity to attend an event sponsored by the MSA in late September. The event was a college fair for all students, but the focus was on the non-traditional faction. Cornell's MS A wanted to be sure that that specific group was being properly addressed and catered to. The program on that beautiful fall afternoon was well coordinated and presented. I met two gentlemen who, much like me, returned to school after many years. They provided insight into Cornell’s view of the mature student. And as I had hoped, Cornell looks at the mature student the same way they look at all other students. Certainly there may be changes made to an interview with a mature student versus a traditional student; however, any changes would be made to better learn about that student’s working adult life and any other specific needs. So after all of the labeling is over, a student is a student.
The administration here at CCC seems to be quite successful at satisfying the needs of all of the groups that our campus has. A good example of their efforts is the many organizations and societies that we have. Students of most groups and labels have a place to go to be with people with similar interests and needs.
If we use the guideline of “specific” or “special” needs, then we have many non-traditional students. We have students who excel at their studies and need to be further challenged. We also have students who have difficulty learning. We take very good care of that group as well. There are literally hundreds of groups of people who have needs that we address. There may not be a club or group for each, but there is support available.
Even though we try to ignore the labels, the statistics to support them do exist. As we engage in our daily treks across campus, we get a great visual cross-section of just who really does attend Coming Community College. As I was preparing for this article I was very curious about the breakdown of the ages here on campus. So, here is the straight scoop. Those students who are age 21 and under make up 42.1% of our population. Age 22 to age 30 rep-
resent another 29.0% And now we get into what may be the core of the non-traditional label. Age 31 to age 40 comprises 16.2% of students, while 10.2% are age 41 to 50. The final 2.5% of all students are over the age of 50. The average age of students on campus is 27.
Kim Kova|, Director of the Writing Center which is located in room C-207, says that the service he and his staff of professional and peer tutors (students with strong English/writing skills who also tutor—of which I am proud to be part) is provided on a “need-based” basis. In other words, tutoring is provided to any student who needs help. And with all of the stats that we keep in the Writing Center—so that we know what time people are coming in, what classes they are in, what assignments they are working on, and how often they come in for tutoring—we do not have any idea what age the students are. Sure, we can look at them and have an idea, but is totally irrelevant to our purpose. We focus on the individual’s needs and provide them with our very best effort.
When I sit in a class, I look at what my fellow students have to offer us as a group. I also examine what effort they put in. I, like most of you, want to surround myself with good people. I want my peers to contribute to my student life, and I assume they expect reciprocity. There are students with disabilities who I attend class with. That specific label is ignored until a special need arrives. Although I may hold the door for them, I would do that for any student who needed it. That particular label also comes into relevance when I walk by an elevator and notice that it is out of order. I focus on the special needs, and I hope that they have an alternative method by which they can get to class.
My focus isn’t on the fact that one of my most course-focused friends, in one of my most difficult classes, is indeed 19 years my junior. My focus is on what a great help he is to my studies and how he participates in each class. I do, however, label him as intelligent and very participative. I also attend class with a gentleman that is 18 years older
than I am. The only major difference in these two students is that one watched The Dick Van Dike Show and the other watched Saved by the Bell. And they are both “A” students.
I attend class with college employees, teenagers, disabled people, African-Americans, Asians, senior citizens, baby boomers, the middle-aged, and those with alternative lifestyles. 1 enjoy my interaction with all of them. The diversity that they provide me is invaluable to my growth and education. They all contribute to their respective courses. They all are students. That is what we are as one huge label: STUDENTS. And we are all here to learn.
Where is the Student’s Focus?
By: Colleen Philpott
Granted, Coming Community College is designed as a two year institution (some decide to hang around for a little while longer, but that is up to them). What many students all too often overlook is that the efforts made by the executive board and faculty to provide not only quality education, but fun and integral extracurricular activities, equal and possibly even exceed those made at any other state or private university. Students have parking issues. Okay, a tight squeeze and a brisk walk in the fresh “mountain” air- not so bad considering that students at other universities endure that same, but for prices up to a thousand, instead of just ten bucks. Parking is not the issue I wanted to focus on, but it leads to my point. The executive board and faculty cannot be blamed. Faculty members are not sneaking out to the parking lots on lunch break to dent your passenger door. It’s quite the opposite, in fact. There are sixty-five brand new spaces in lot H. Where?? Lot H. Oh. I am sorry that exceeds a fifty- foot radius of surrounding buildings. I would never park there! Does anyone know what actually goes on in board meetings? I know one thing is certain. They do not sit around and devise ways of denting your car and stealing money from student accounts to build the president a new house. Dr. Amman recently gave student government a question and answer session at
the general body meeting (Thursdays at 1:00,which, by the way, is open to the student body). As you probably already know, this decision made by the Regional Board of Trustees, has received a rather negative response. Students, including former ones, are talking about Dr. Amman like he is the “bad guy.”
The decision to rebuild the (college owned) president’s house (it is not Dr. Amman’s house, so don’t call it that) has been an issue of debate for years, passing through three different presidents. The house was bought in 1967 and has been renovated numerous times, but the floor plan and maintenance of the aging property continues to haunt the Board of Trustees. Another renovation was planned for but was considered too expensive and insufficient. The expenses for reconstruction are provided 50% from the State Construction Fund and 50% from a college fund designed specifically for renovation of the college property. This decision takes nothing away from the student body. “Well, the money you’re using could be used to benefit the students directly” some have said. No, it couldn’t be. The money comes from separate funds specifically designed for building and renovations, the president’s house included.
Trust me on at least this point: any questions, concerns, or disagreements that are boiling over in your head, plus some that you would never have thought of, have already been considered in lengthy debates. The decision has been made with the best intentions for improvement of the college. Let it rest at that. Yes, it is important to have an opinion and voice your concern, but don’t just complain and bad talk the president and executive board. Whether you believe it or not, the “suits” that form a part of Coming Community College really are trying to make students the focus of all they do. Where is your focus? The slogan is not just an attempt at brainwashing you into passive acceptance of the concept. Improvement takes on many forms, give them a chance.
corning community college
State University of New York
Six CCC Professors named to “Who’s Who Among America’s Teachers”
Corning Community College announced that six professors will be honored in the 7th annual edition of Who’s Who Among America’s Teachers. Those being honored include Dr. Hans-Peter Appelt, Joseph DeLeone Jr., Julie Ann Dick, Dr. Howard Jitomir, Patrick J. Pariso, and David Lee Pindel. Inclusion in the publication is made solely on teaching performance and recommendations made by former students. Dr. Hans-Peter Appelt. Professor of Computer Science, has developed and taught a wide range of computer courses at CCC for the past 32 years and has earned A.A.S., B.S., M.S., M.S.C.S., and Ph.D. degrees.
Joseph DeLeone. Jr.. Associate Professor of Physics and Technology, holds B.S. and M.S. degrees in Electrical and Computer Engineering from Clarkson University.
Julie Dick. Director of the College Day Care Center and adjunct instructor in Early Childhood Studies, holds a M.S. in Education and has been with CCC for four years.
Dr. Howard Jitomir. Professor of English, holds M.A., M.Ph., and Ph.D. degrees in literary studies and has taught composition and literature at CCC for 25 years.
Patrick J. Pariso. Sr. Staff Assistant III and Instructor of Criminal Justice, holds a B.S. in Criminal Justice, an M.S. in Adult Education, and is a graduate of the FBI National Academy in Quantico Virginia.
David Pindel. Biology/Chemistry faculty, holds B.S. and M.S. degrees in biology, with an emphasis in ecology and animal behavior.
Dr. Walter Asonevich, Dean of Academic Affairs, stated, “Having six of our instructors honored in Who’s Who Among America’s Teachers is a testament to the outstanding skills of our faculty members dedicated to helping our students succeed. It’s a delight to see hard work and talent recognized in this way.”
Expr
Winter Guard: The Performance Group
By: Jessi Davies
What is Winter Guard? Isn’t it those girls who twirl flags with the band dur-
s.ion
for competition. They are usually at the competition for around 5-7 hours. Competitions are usually for making the show better rather than trying to out do each other.
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’’Past Curfew”
By: Veronica Gallton
I know what you're thinking. I know what you're going to say before you say it. You talk.
I ignore you.
ing half time? Well, almost...
Take away the band, the football field and the band musician add rifles, sabers, gym and non-band music and you have Winter Guard. Guards are the main event at competitions. The crowd is full of Winter Guard fans and judges. Guards are categorized by their status as independent or scholastic, the number of participants, and the general skill level of the guard.
What most people see of a guard routine is their 5-minute performance. They don’t see how long the members practice before the group goes to their first competition. Usually, the Guard puts in about 15-30 hours a week of practice time for a little over three months. Saturday practices are always needed for the Guard to clean up anything that the group has learned during the week.
After several months of practice, Winter Guard members have ev-ery Saturday full for competition-usually between February and March. Competitions are in most acses held by a major circuit such as WGI (Winter Guard International). The competition starts with the performance of the lower class and gradually works up to the top guard, who performs last. Judges watch for dance work, the show effect, the unity and cleanliness of the equipment, along with the design of the show in general.
When competition comes around on Saturdays, Guard members are at their practice site in early morning for a 5-hour practice. Afterwards, the group packs up their equipment, floor mat and props on their truck. Most guards are on the bus for several hours
Artwork By: Jessi Davies
’’Daydreaming”
By: Veronica Gallton
Blue.
Like the pilot light in the stove you have lit a blue flame in the most private part of my body.
I begin to feel that throb of desire. That strong, burning passion that begins down there and spreads all through my writhing body.
Red.
My body undulates with a red desire as I feel those sweet, soft, cool lips kiss my burning skin.
I run my fingers down your baby-soft skin and see you squirm. 1 know what you want.
Green.
You frantically tear the wrapper off to reveal the green, slimy, rubbery circle. Your hands are clumsy but you finally get them to do what you want.
You begin.
Orange.
You explode in a bright orange blast of dynamite.
TNT.
C-4.
Yellow.
You have ended and the orange is gone.
I look at the wall behind you with a blank stare.
You finish your spell with an explosion of anger.
You hate me.
Everything that has ever gone wrong in your life is my fault.
Are you finished now? I ask calmly. You look at me like I'm crazy. Now you listen to me, I begin. Don't you look at me that way. You're gonna listen to what I have to say.
You're too damn young to do this to me!
And this is one boy you'll never again see!
Don't even think of leaving this house again.
From this day forward you no longer have friends.
Now go to your room and don't put up a fight.
Get used to it cuz you'll be there every night!
But Mom! We didn't even have sex! I'm only late cuz the car ran out of gas!
You won't let me have a cell phone so what could I do?
I had no way to get ahold of you! Don't expect me to believe all that junk!
I'm not stupid and I'm certainly not drunk.
Now go to your room and do as I say.
We’ll talk about all this another day.
As you walk away I know that you are right.
But I can't tell you that.
Right now you hate me even more. But I guess that's just motherhood.