Law Society sponsors program Each year, the Corning Community College Law Society sponsors a National Law Day program in order to attain the objective of keeping abreast of various aspects of the law. This year it will be held on Thursday, May 1, from 9:30 a.m. to 1:45 p.m. in the Large Lounge of the Commons. The program will begin with the topic "Defending the Accused" with speaker Michael McCartney, Esquire. Attorney McCartney comes to his presentation from the perspective of several years experience as Steuben County’s Public Defender. At 11:00 a.m., a joint presentation will touch on two major current concerns. In "Crisis in Insurance" with Richard Rossettie, Esquire, of the firm of Rossettie and Rossettie, Attorneys-at-law, the problem of Municipal Liability will be discussed. Mr. Rossettie was Coming’s City Attorney in the previous administration. Dr. Jack O’Neil’s experience as immediate Past President of the Steuben County Medical Society and present Delegate to the Medical Society of the State of New York will highlight the second issue, Medical Malpractice. At 12:30 p.m., the last speaker will be Judith Avner, Esquire, New York State’s Director of the Division for Women, whose discussion, "Minorities and Women -Confronting Issues in Employment" relates to today’s provocative concerns in employment. As in the past, the audience includes members of the community, as well as Corning Community College students, faculty and staff, together with invited area high school students. A lively question and answer period follows each speaker’s presentation. The Corning Community College Law Society was organized in the Spring 1979 semester by a group of students interested in law and law-related activites. The purpose of the organization is to promote and advance peoples’ knowledge of the law. The law touches every person’s life in some way and is constantly changing as needs and life styles change. The Society tries to keep people up to date and well-informed in order to function properly in today’s changing times. In keeping with this objective, the Law Society has participated each year in this official nationwide observation sponsored by the American Bar Association and more than 1400 state and local bar associations. The observance of Law Day was first instituted in 1958 by President Dwight D. Eisenhower as "dedicated to the principle of a democratic government under law." In 1961, Law Day became official nationwide when a joint resolution of Congress and a proclamation by President John F. Kennedy designated May 1 as Law Day. The public is invited to attend all or any part of the program. Service The Student Assistance Program - Support Service, a new pilot project funded by Corning Family Service Society, began Monday, April 28, 1986. A professional counseling staff will be volunteering their time as a community service for our students. The Student Assistance Program -Support Service is planned to be similar to the Legal Advising Service established by Meta Spiegler a number of years ago. The program is also similar in concept to the Employee Assistance Programs. The need for this program arose as part of an effort to better meet the personal counseling needs of our students. This program recieved strong support from the student body via results from a student survey in The Crier, as well as begins encouragement from Student Government. It is also supported by the Academic/Advising Counseling staff and the Student Development staff, as well as Dick Murdock and Billie Glossner of the Corning Family Service Society. Students may arrange for an appointment by calling the Activities Office, ext. 245, or by stopping in this office in the Commons. The counselors are available for appointments beginning Monday, April 28, and every Monday after until May 19, from noon to 2 p.m. in the Activities Office. Appointments will be made in 30 minutes intervals. For more information, contact the Activities Office. FINALS ARE lurking right around the corner. Photo by Chris westiing OPINION The Crier Wednesday, April 30,1986 Russian clergy visits The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author, not necessarily the opinions of the Crier staff. On Monday, April 21, a young group of Soviet clergymen came to the campus and participated in the Brown Bag Forum. The group was comprised of:The Very Reverend Nikolai Gundviaev, The Very Reverend Alexei Bichkov, Olga V. Ganaba, who is a member of the International Division of Russian Orthodox Churches and the Institute of Priests’ Wives, and two interpreters. They were invited to the United States by the National Council of Churches of Christ. The group expressed deep appreciation at being invited to speak at C.C.C. The Very Reverend Alexei Bichkov made an interesting statement. He said that he wanted all Soviets to accept Jesus Christ as "the light of the world." This is somewhat ironic since the majority of the Soviet peoples are Moslem. The Reverends stressed that there was a resurgence of interest in the church in the Soviet Union. Reverend Gundviaev said that "Many people ask, what about me? Is it really true that I remain immortal?" He said that such ideas arc present in elementary age school children. Older Soviets want to know how the problem of immortality was dealt with in their ancestors times. Olga Ganaba said that the young people are very interested in oriental religion. She then added that as they grow older they become more involved in their own church. "It is very common for them to find out the religion of their fathers through the oriental religion." Reverend Bichkov said that "much is being done for the preservation of minority cultures in the Soviet Union." He added that "there is, of course, a danger that the Russian language will bring about the demise of other languages in the Soviet Union." The Soviets are making an effort to curtail that. "In schools, for minorities, the instruction is done in their own language." The Reverend Bichkov went out on a limb and said that "In higher education, the minorities have the advantage over the Russians." This is a very curious statement because all the entrance exams and college courses are taught in Russian. One would think that a Soviet who grew up speaking Russian would have a much greater chance of passing those exams than a Soviet who grew up speaking Russian as a secondary language because the state says he must. The Soviets also say that they treat their women more fairly than Americans do. The group pointed out that 80% of all medical doctors in the Soviet Union are women. There are women in the government and in the educational system. They said that "the problem that our women face is how to reconcile the social role with the role of the mother. As a matter of fact, women in the Soviet Union say it would be very nice if they could get rid of this freedom." Women can do a lot of things that men can in the Soviet Union but they can’t be priests. Instead, the women are in charge of the material life of the church. Women are usually in the majority on church boards which administer the church. The church board is in charge of all contributions and decides how they’ll be used. Ms. Ganaba added that there is no discrimination in their church. On the subject of Soviet Jews Reverend Bichkov said that the pressure from the West plays a very negative role. He said that because of this pressure there is resistance. "The Jews are highly educated, why should we allow them to leave the country?" Ms. Ganaba added that sometimes when the Je.ws leave the Soviet Union they find out that they don’t like the West and return." One of the interpreters, who is a Jew and who left the Soviet Union years ago, said that "No Jews who leave want to go back." All in all it was a very interesting Brown Bag Forum. Through out it all, one got the impression that the group of clergy wasn’t really free to say what they wanted. They spoke some very nice propaganda instead. By the end of the forum one tended to think that they wanted people to emigrate to the Soviet Union because women have greater equality, minorities have many more opportunities, and religious freedom abounds. Needless to say they made the Soviet Union seem as if it was the place to live and that we all should leave the United States and move there. The Crier Editors Susan Sandritter Scott Coons Phil Costa Chris Westling Linda Sementilli Susan Sandritter Scott Coons Doreen DiNardo, Michelle Huston Pat Coyle White R.M. Luce Sports Editor Photo Editor Ad Manager Bus. Manager Layout Writers: Art: Advisors: B. The Crier is a student publication of Corning Community College, Corning, New York 14830. Printed by the Evening Times in Sayre, PA. (717)888-9643. The Crier office is located in the Commons building, lower level, on the Spencer Hill Campus. To submit advertising or for more information, phone us at (607)962-9339. ENTERTAINMENT The Crier Wednesday, April 30,1986 3 Melvin the Enforcer Excitement boiled in the veins and the brain that were encased in the body that belonged to Melvin Dingleman, future super-cop. His 5’11" frame supported 125 pounds of wiry muscle. The excitement stemmed from the fact that today was to be Melvin’s first day in CCC’s Criminal Justice program. And what a day it would be. "Basic Judo. A little tennis. English -yuk. I hate English," Melvin thought to himself. "Yeah, but then basic firearms. Then forensic lab. Yeah. Dumb advisor - telling me I should sign up for the penal law course. My mother told me all about sex years ago." Melvin Could hardly stand still as Biff Mortinson, the judo instructor, gave a brief summation of what the course would be about. When he finished he asked for a volunteer. "I’ll volunteer," Melvin said, and quickly sprang onto the mat. He looked pathetically frail next to the powerful Biff Mortinson. Biff turned to face Melvin. "Stab me," Biff said. Melvin’s eyes brightened. "Huh?" "Pretend you’re going to stab me," Biff told him. "Oh." Melvin wiped his hands on his grey gym shorts. He raised his right hand above his head and swung it down towards Biff’s chest. Biff grabbed Melvin’s wrist with his left hand, and Melvin’s elbow with his right hand, then proceded to flip Melvin over his shoulder. "Wow," Melvin gasped. "I wanna learn how to do that." "You will son, you will," Biff assured him. Melvin’s heart skipped a beat when Biff put his hand on his shoulder. "What phys. ed. class are you taking?" Biff asked. "Tennis, sir," Melvin replied. "Tennis is a sissy sport," Biff said. "We’ll get you enrolled in weight-lifting." After judo class Biff took Melvin to Bud Builtmore’s weightlifting class. When Melvin walked into the room containing a universal gym the other students hooted and hollared. "What a bod," one of them said. "I want that physique," said another. "Let’s see what you can do, son," Bud said after Biff left. Melvin smiled and nodded to the hooting students, then proceded to bench press 25 pounds three times, grunting and groaning all the time. The class clapped loudly. "All right, Melvin," they yelled. "Totally awesome." Melvin smiled and nodded again. After showering and dressing Melvin took a deep breath. The dreaded moment had arrived. He walked slowly to his English class. Once attendance was taken, the instructor, Jack Offison, ordered the students to write a short essay on what they wanted to do with their lives. Melvin borrowed a pen and a piece of paper from the girl sitting next to him, and began to write. "What I want to do with my life is to bring justice to this crazy world. I am enrolled in the Criminal Justice program at CCC to learn how to weed out the criminal element of our society. It will also put me in a position to hand out the type of justice this world needs. I’d treat criminals the way they should be treated. For example, anyone guilty of armed robbery should have their arms cut off. A rapist should have his peepee cut off. A guy who kicks someone in a barroom should have his feet cut off. Obscene phone callers should have their phone service cut off. Owners of dogs who bite people should have their teeth pulled out. And cat burglars should have their cats impounded. I intend to make sure all criminals get what they deserve." Upon reading Melvin’s paper, Dr. Offison called him aside to have a talk with him. "I think you should transfer to another English class with another instructor," Offison told him. "I don’t need you police mentality types in my class." Melvin glared at the instructor. "Hey, I don’t need your dipstick class, anyways," he yelled. You’re a real jerk, Offison," he said, and stormed away. After lunch Melvin attended his forensic science lecture, but his mind was on what he’d like to do to Jack Offison. It was still on his mind the next day as he drove to his basic firearms class. Once at the firing range Melvin suffered through a twenty minute lecture on gun safety, gun loading, gun unloading, and firing procedure. Finally, Melvin got a chance to pull the trigger of a .44 magnum. As he looked down the range he envisioned Jack Offison standing there grinning at him and saying, "You don’t belong in my class." Melvin squeezed the trigger. The recoil sent him reeling. As he fell to the ground he envisioned the bullet penetrating the stern face of Continued on page 4 BROWN BAG FORUM 1. Bryna Fireside Amnesty International 2. Cornell Student “CITIZEN DIPLOMACY” Monday May 5,1986 12-1 p.m. Commons, Large Lounge Sponsored by: College Chaplains Activities Office ENTERTAINMENT The Crier Wednesday, April 30,1986 4 Melvin From page 3 the English instructor. "There’ll be no more Jack Offison around here!" he thought with sadistic pleasure. I.M. Gunhappy, the instructor,lifted Marvin to his feet. "Let me show you how to stand with that gun, son," he said. "I’ll stand any way you want me to," Melvin grinned, readjusting his glasses. After getting a grip on his firearms, Melvin went to forensic science lab. Arriving early he found Dr. L. Ike Cutems splattering blood on a dummy. He took his liverwurst and ketchup sandwich from his black lunch pail as he watched. "I’ll bet that sucker got hit from within ten feet," Melvin sputtered as he bit into the sandwich. "Ten feet exactly," Dr. Cutems told him. "Wow, this class is going to be SUPER," Melvin blurted, spitting liverwurst and ketchup all over the professor’s white smock in the process. "Young man, would you please eat outside," Dr. Cutems ordered, pointing to the door. Melvin went outside, feeling a bit rejected, and sat at the top of a small cement staircase. Smelling either the ketchup or the liverwurst, a beady-eyed coon dog approached Melvin expectantly. "Well, hi pup," Melvin said. "What’s your name?" Melvin looked at the tag on the dog’s collar and found that the name was Scott. "Hi Scott, the coon dog," Melvin smiled. "I’m Melvin the Enforcer." The dog looked dumbfoundedly at Melvin’s extended hand, then at the ■liverwurst and ketchup sandwich. Noticing the begging look on the dog’s face, Melvin extended the sandwich to Scott, who wolfed it down in one bite. "Better than the garbage you’re used to, ain’t it Scott?" Melvin inquired. Scott the coon dog, having been weened on cafeteria French fries, barked approvingly. Melvin said, "Too bad coon dogs aren’t used for police dogs, huh Scott." After forensic science lab Melvin decided to walk around the pond and up to the nature center. Walks in the woods always made him feel better, especially if he got to see an ant war or some critter stalking another. As he approached the pond he came across two young lovers who had inadvertantly lain down in the path of a colony of sand ants. "Get those sandcritters out of my hair, Sue," he heard the young man say. "I’m not touching those sandcritters," Sue said. "Can I be of service?" Melvin asked. "Get lost," the couple said in harmony. Melvin shrugged and proceded to the other side of the pond, where he came across a young man fishing. "Hi! My name is Melvin." "I’m Phil," the fisherman replied. "And your name is mud if you scare the fish away." Melvin said quietly, "Nice rod, Phil. I bet it cost a lot." "Enough," Phil replied. "Now scram, will ya’?" As Melvin headed up the hill towards the Nature Center, he overheard a young couple arguing. "Let’s blow this place, Chelle. There are jobs in Houston," he heard the guy say. "But I like it here," the girl said. Melvin passed the couple and continued toward the nature center. He soon came upon an injured squirrel. Above him he heard two more squirrels chattering in a tree branch. His many walks in the woods had helped Melvin understand animal talk. "Look," the squirrel named Dee said, "Doreen is being confronted by a human." "We should help her," said the squirrel named Nardo. Dee said to Nardo, "Doreen got herself into it, let her get herself out of it." Melvin agreed with Dee, rather that Nardo, so he left Doreen and continued up the hill. Without warning the wind pucked up. The trees grew faces and the leaves began to sing. "Clean up this world," they seemed to say. Melvin knew what he must do. He dashed back down the trail as fast as he could go. Past Doreen, Dee and Nardo, past the young man trying to convince Chelle to go to Houston. Past Phil the fisherman, whose gear had cost a lot. Past the young man, Sue, and the sandcritters. He burst up the hill and ran towards the library. He was joined by Scott the coon dog, whom he had earlier shared his liverwurst and ketchup sandwich with. He burst into the library, slammed his library card on the reception desk, and said, ".44 Magnum, please!" "Whatever are you going to do with it?" the librarian asked. "I’m going to learn how to use it to rid the world of scum," Melvin proudly proclaimed. "What a nobel cause," the librarian said as she handed him his gun. Melvin dashed to his car. Being a law-abiding citizen, Melvin resisted the temptation to speed as he drove to his parents’ suburban home. As he burst in the door he yelled, "Mom, Dad, we have to build a target range so I can practice." "Practice what?" his mother asked from the kitchen doorway. "Ridding the world of crime," Melvin said, waving the gun in the air. "I’ll rid you of crime, bringing a gun in here," his father said, reaching for the magnum. Melvin ducked quickly, grabbed his father’s arms and flung him to the floor. Looking down with wide, wild eyes, Melvin thought, "Biff sure would be proud of me now." "What are you doing?" his mother screamed from the doorway. "I’m learning how to clean up America," Marvin replied. "I’m learning how to weed out criminals. I’m learning the methods they use. I’m learning how to use THIS method on them." With those words Melvin planted his feet and jokingly drew a bead on his mother with the .44 magnum and squeezed the trigger. The gun’s report surprised Melvin, though not nearly as much as it surprised his mother. As he watched her sag in the doorway and saw the blood run onto her apron, all Melvin could say was, "Good God Mom, I didn’t know the gun was loaded." At last report, Melvin was going with a mass murderer at Attica State University. Organization meeting schedule MONDAY 1-2 p.m. Judo Goff Rd. TUESDAY 10:20-11:30 IBSU Speacer Pub 12:15-12:45 APC Conf. Pm. Commons 12:30-1:30 Ski Club Sm. Lounge 12:30-1:30 St. Gov't. Exec Bd. S.G. Office 12:30-1:30 Computer Club R-102 12:30-1:30 2-Bit Players Sci. Amp. 12:30-1:30 Human Services N-329 12:30-1:30 Law Society Sp. Pub 12:30-1:30 ICC Conf. Rm. Commons 1-2 Vets Club Vets Office 1-2 Judo Goff Rd. WEDNESDAY 11-12 Ted: Guild Sm. Lounge 12-1 Business Club C-204 THURSDAY 12:30-2 Student Government C-106 12:30-1:30 WCEB Conf- Room Commons 1-2 Judo Goff Rd. PERSONALS The Crier Wednesday, April 30,1986 5 FOR SALE 1977 Scirocco Good condition-sunroof T/As-Ten stereo w/Alpines $1700 or reasonable offer See Scott in Crier or call 962-1961 Scott - Stop annoying me. - Sue Sue - #7? Brian and Erika - Axe you U.S. citizens or what? Sue and Tonya - Enjoy O-M parties? O-M guys?!? Kris - Please to open vent! Chelle - You can come with me to the next O-M party, you’ll enjoy O-M guys. - Sue Chelle doesn’t have standing relationships. Tonya - Now you’re licensed. Terry and Vivienne - Thank you for keeping down the noise this time. Love, Sue-Z Terry, you’re a sick puppy. Love ya Vicki - Sue and Chelle Where’s the justice?! It’s not me, it's the rest of the world! Will Y. - It’s wafer thin. Who needs alarm clocks? Steve - Where did those "blemishes" on your neck come from? Marty - Only in your dreams! Scott - La, La, La, La, Life. Life is Life!! Beth - ...And do you think they get it? NOOOO!!! Liz - Soooo???? Julie - You owe me 36 hours. PAY UP!!! Jennifer - How’s the love life? Liz - Where’s the love life? Need a vacation? Visit the beautiful island nation of Bulemia. Spiccoli - I think it's "ice cube time"! - Smurf Julie - How about some country music? Who killed Bambi? Signed, a lonely Thumper. Botswana University wants U!! Skippy - You have bad aim. - m Oh, oh, eat me I’m a danish. Signed, a FALCO HATER Will W. - What is the capital of Asyria? AHHH! - Will Y. Scott, I’m waiting, and waiting, and waiting... Student "behind the walls" would like to correspond with understanding females between the ages of 25 and 40. I'm serving 3 to 7 years. I’m 31 years old, a Sagattarius, and lonely. I’m 5’11”, with brown eyes, black hair, dark brown skin, and I weigh 195 pounds. My interest is friendship. Write to: Neil Cummings #85-A-5844, Elmira Correctional Facility, Box 500 - G125, Elmira, NY 14902. Chris - Would you please work on your timing? - Smurf Gee! The "clan" is so tough now that it can go "one on one” with girls!! Liz, keep it below 75 mph. Billy Joel is a FINE artist. Would anyone like to buy my FINE car? Stu Spew - Too much sun! Poor Stu! Brian is a FINE person. Hey evahbody - TAHM FOH SUHN! Scott - Keep your barfy friend at home!! Frankie say no war in Libya. War: What is it good for? Hell no we won't go. Happy B-day Jim "Boons Farm" Marty - You’re quite the frisbee thrower. What can I say? Bob, please don't reveal yourself again. Wanted: Work for an unemployed D.J. John - Thanks for Friday night. Sorry about your apartment. "Little Kings” remember... Stu F.A.F.I.C. rules at volleyball! For your personal protection, please don’t walk on the grass. Ralph Nader Bender and Dent - pever forget! You know who... Sue-Z-Q, I had a great time Saturday. Scott - Make your own phone calls. - Vivienne I have broken a waterbed. -Jamie Don't we know it! - Itch and Ping Wait, did someone finally change you? Did prayer work? Warning: This planet has been quarantined. Contagious depressive thoughts have been detected. All depressed people will be tickled on sight. - Dark Stellar Council and Feather Emporium Brian and Jamie - Try a few more scenes? WG misses you. Scott - Your hair’s too long! (P.S. You have bad taste, too.) Anyone out there available? -me Yes. - the Lonely Guy Are there any good Thursdays out there? Willing to pay top dollar. Julie - I have a jar of Magic Shell. There is no justice in a world where Lisa and Doreen have to sit typing this junk while it's 75 degrees outside. S.G.V.P. - Well...? - APC Tres. Help keep Eldridge Park open. Boycott your insurance company. Sue - Hit your head on any coffee tables lately? Sean - Did you find your virginity yet? Ha Ha!! "JAZZ" - music of the 80's Hey - Canada Crew - had too much fun - thanks so much -Chelle. To whom it may concern: The next person who says "go" or "goes" when he or she actually means "says" or "said” will promptly receive severe multiple beatings about the head and neck. Respectfully submitted, Doreen DiNardo Patti - Have a good time in Kentucky - I'll be thinking of you. Tonya - At LEAST remember their names! Everything I own has hair on it. Dale Phil - Share the slice! Please!! Phil - We need a refill. - Sue Jewie - Where’s your bottle and yes, there are windows! - Smurf Is EVERYONE gay? Will Y. - African or European swallow - W.W. Wanted: This is the beginning of a serious study into the ways (and whys) people love. Send any information on your preferred position, technique, line, etc... to the Lonely Guy, c/o the Crier. (Let’s start researching this, people!) Thanks everyone - Vicki Anyone for a game of tonsil hockey? Laurie - Wash the dishes! - the management. Sue - You’re a pain Liz - Do you have a in the room? Call 929-197_for a good fantasy! Jason - Get a real car. Sean - Luv ya too. Julie - You too. Doreen - How do you spell relief? B-A-C-T-I-N-E!! Dennis - "Keep the torch lit" M.B. cop: "Are you staying here?" THEY GOT A SEARCH WARRANT!! Scott - Your hair is nice, don’t listen to them. It is beyond my comprehension how munchkins can come into positions of authority over non-munchkins. Steve - Are you a vacuum or a vampire? - Vicki Like my balloons? - Vicki Suzi - Are you maniacal? Bill - Purple. - Vicki I love my Poppy Wheldon. -Butterfly Jim - Tell us what a motor boat is. - the Toy Store Princess. Wally the Watchimal says - ya ya ya to the gang. Bo Bo - You’re great! - Vicki Chelle - Get a real message on your answering machine. Wanted: Model. 5’5" to 6’8". Blonde with freckles. Send resume to the Crier. Kim C. - ves, no. (My sister did it yesterday, but stop by anyway.) Liz - You have a nice bustline. Watch out for Thursdays! Andy and Scott - Thanks for the best Spring Break I ever had — "Teaser’s" was great... Rochester ROCKS! (So did Cheater ) Betty J - I know two guys who would LO-O-OVE to take you out sometime... I know the meaning of life, and for twenty bucks, I’ll tell you what it is. Spiccoli - Where’s the peanut butter? Bill - Thanks for the foot massage - S.G.V.P. I LOVE TINA TURNER!! Liz - How about some lime jello? Bob - I love your nose and everything else. Wendi - To Fiona and Merlin! Cheers!! - Bill ENTERTAINMENT The Crier Wednesday, April 30,1986 6 Pub Talk... CCC is an interesting place to be, especially down in Spencer Pub.I decided that some of the unique terms and phrases I’ve heard down there should be put in writing so here’s my list of "Pub Talk." "Barfy"- a term used exclusively by Student Government Auditing Treasurer to express displeasure. "Bizarre"- a term used mainly for the Normally Abnormal things in life. "Cfiggorfigget"- a stick of tobacco smoked after consuming enough alcohol to slur your speech. "Consume"- a term used in quarters to replace the word drink. "Doody"- Referring to the necessity of bodily functions. "FAFIC"- Friday Afternoon F— it Club. “Lester"- Universal friend of college students. "Monkey bite"- Painful pinch on the back of the thigh. "Motorboat"- see Jim Jewett. "Rectal Thermometer"- word said for the sole purpose of shock value. "Scrooch Gun"- a friend to Lester (and Scruffy). "Skank"- Any leftover or misplaced particles of food, slime, or other grotesque matter. Also, a short brown dog on campus. "Spiffy"- antonym of barfy, also used by SGAT. "Stu"- part of a collector set of Jim and Stu dolls. "Winkey"- use your imagination. "Yea Poo"- a term used in conjunction with beaucoup. Also, here are some famous expressions that speak for themselves: Silly Goose Dilly-suck-a-fiddle You worry me Oh, I forgot Men are swine Silly me You don’t like me, I can tell. You’re so pathetic Two ways so very much cool OH WELL I knew that Okee Dokee Sounds like a personal problem to me And lastly, some horribly great put-downs: Two bricks and a penguin Bend over Fork you You have more chins than a Chinese phone book. You have the mental agility of a small green soap dish. I know you are but what am I? You have the intellectual creativity of a comatose bowl of oatmeal. You’re eyes are like cesspools. You have to wear gloves to cover your long black hair. THE SUNFEST COMMITTEE NEEDS YOUR HELP Meetings are Wednesdays from 2-3 in the Conference room downstairs in the Commons. If you want to help but can’t attend the meetings, stop by the Student Government office. Your help is needed in all phases of planning, from collecting raffle prizes to set up and clean up. Please help us make Saturday, May 10 a day to remember. Men arranged ATTENTION ALL CCC STUDS!!!!! Applications are now being accepted for the MR. NEW YORK MALE AMERICA PAGEANT. No longer will the gentlemen need a muscular physique to enter this event. The winner will possess the indefinable characteristics of poise, personality, charm, and of course, handsomeness. Winners from all 50 states will compete in Jamaica in November of 1986. Win cash, prizes, personal appearances and more. All interested men must be at least 18 years old, married, single, widower, or divorced. Contestants must have been a New York State resident for at least six months, and be a high school graduate. If interested, (and you know you are), please send a current photograph of yourself, along with a brief biography, and on a separate sheet, why you decided to enter the Mr. New York Male America Pageant to: Mr. New York Male America Pageant, c/o Lillian Lehman Productions Inc. P.O. Box 1033 190 State Highway #18 East Brunswick, NJ, 08816 Or call: 1-201-846-7273. Please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope to receive your official pageant entry form. FREE TUTORS ARE AVAILABLE on campus at no cost to you peer tutors scheduled hours appointments available most freshmen courses Free tutors are available for many courses. You can take advantage of this service on a regular basis or only at those times when you need a little extra help USE TUTORS FOR REVIEWING BEFORE TESTS ASKING QUESTIONS HAVING CONCEPTS CLARIFIED DIRECTING YOUR STUDY TIME Contact your instructor to find out about the availability of tutors for your course. Your instructor will let you know how to contact the tutor. (Tutoring for English, Math and computer courses takes place in the respective labs. Contact the lab supervisor.) ENTERTAINMENT The Crier Wednesday, April 30,1988 7 BLOOM COUNTY BLOOM COUNTY by Berke Breathed You know You’re short... You know you’re short when... -your eye level in a crowd is belt buckles. -you pace under the coffee table when you’re nervous, -when you sit in a chair your feet don’t touch the floor. -you play hand ball against the curb. ^you put the visor down in the car and the sun still shines in your eyes. -the seat belt leaves marks on your cheek. This is dedicated to all the people like me who are 5’0" or less! Vicki Vincent by Berke Breathed ACROSS 42 14 Cod and May 43 Weaving apparatus 16 "Rock of " 1 M*A*S*H character 44 Than: Ger. 19 Mediate 6 Hindu title 45 Attack from all 22 Chesterfields 11 Ended up as sides 23 Babe Ruth's 12 Word with scout or 46 Adagio or allegro number show 47 Torn, ragged 25 One of our 14 Pertaining to heat clothes presidents 15 Tendency to keep 49 Literary devices 26 Electrical units moving 51 Optical illusion 28 Anticipate 17 Vigilant 52 Trucked 29 Items for a 18 Vexes 53 Concerns magician 20 Custard ingredient 54 Wild animal track 31 College subject 21 Design 32 Wild uproar 22 "Ten a Dance” DOWN 33 Controversial 23 Family 35 More spacious 24 Goddess of dawn 1 Phonograph recording 36 Ran off to Gretna 25 milk 2 Tree seed Green 26 Revolves and buzzes 3 Move suddenly 37 Public exhibitions 27 A fatty acid 4 " Blue?" for short 29 Heats 5 Make anew 38 Gist 30 Richard Nixon's 6 Circus poles 39 Foremen downfall 7 Ebbs 42 Amalgamate 32 Spill the 8 Mait brews 43 Slow, in music 34 In the middle 9 Mai de 45 Declining market 38 Deserve 10 Meantime 46 Spanish bull 39 Curves 11 box 48 Syllable in 40 Bullring cheer 13 Princeton's football music 41 Prepare to publish team 50 Converse ENTERTAINMENT The Crier Wednesday, April 30,1986 8 Lip Sync/Talent CONTEST Come imitate your favorite group Date: May 3,1986 Time: 8-10 p.m. Place: Elmira Psych Center Auditorium Entrance fee $5.00 PRIZES AWARDED Sign up in Corning Community College Activities Office OR Elmira Neighborhood House ALFRED IS AFFORDABLE Last year 80% of Alfred University's students received financial aid. The average financial aid award was $7,945. Our Transfer Presidential Scholarship (a merit award equal to $3,000 a year for 2 years of full-time study in the University's independent units) is automatically awarded to community college graduates with a cumulative grade point . average of 3.3 or higher. For more information regarding this scholarship, financial aid and the other advantages of Alfred University, contact: Director of Transfer Admissions Alfred University P.O. Box 765 Alfred, New York 14802 or call Transfer Admissions: 607-871-2271 Office of Financial Aid: 607-871-2159 Alfred University Sesquicentennial 1836-1986 In Celebration ol Excellence BLOOM COUNTY Service Continued As a matter of record, I would like to affirm for everyone that the Health Service is being staffed on a regular basis during the traditional academic calendar for the balance of this academic year. The office hours are 8:30 - 3:00 p.m. Please contact me directly at extension 228, or Jack Kelley at extension 264, if you have any specific questions. Nancy L. Andrews GIVE THE GIFT OF LIFE AT A BLOOD BANK. Donate May 6th from 9:00 - 3:30, in Spencer Pub. Sponsored by Student Health Services.